I Feel All Fucked UP

I am sitting here blogging at Texas State instead of being a responsible citizen. I should be studying, richer, happier, younger and thinner. But no, I am just wasting time. I feel very weird lately, maybe it is that I have so many responsibilities swirling around me when all I really want is to be hanging out with someoneawesome drinking booze watching a movie or listening to music, partying with friends, not worring about passing calculus or where my next check will come from. I started working at Bookpeople again, I was working at Wheatsville but I feel unwanted there, sort of dissed, but hey, I tell myself that I have been working on my degree and that job would be temporary anyway...on the other hand Bookpeople missed me, it felt kinda nice to have people smile and say they were happy to see me, the CEO, Steve B. saw me remerchandising the Jewelry cases and said that the place needed me...too bad they pay so crappily. We had some goodtimes though...the softball games...the arm wrestling contests...yeah goodtimes. But ever since started school, it takes up most of my life, I feel like I really don't have a particuliar peer group to call my own...just a handfull of really awesome people who have been there, maybe I am lonely, maybe I am burnt out...I don't know, all I know is that for the majority of my adult life I was crazy and adventurous, traveled all over the world, worked as a fisherman, backpacked through Guatamala and slept in a hammock with a monkey, shacked up with a great 19 year old lover in Amsterdam, climbed Mayan pyramids...and now I am all depressed, eating a bag of jalapeno cheetos in the basement of the Texas State library...oi. I suppose I felt that going to school was the right thing to do, i was tired of crappy money and roomates and go-nowhere jobs, so I tried to get my shit together, you know, stop drinking like Bukoski on payday, stop wasting my money on downtown frivolities and indiscretions...grow the fuck up already! But you know what I found...boringness...yeah, I said it...being responsible is sooo fucking boring, going to bed early, waking up and drinking my coffee, shaking my angry little fist at fast drivers...shit, I am aging before my eyes...maybe I need to do something crazy and exciting (just now in my mind the thought balloon said, like go to a show downtown...GOD even my thought balloons are boring!)...okay enough of the pity party, if you have read down this far, you are awsome and I am going to make out with you, if you are my friend Laurie...I told no already! (hee hee-your my only reader Power!)
the only thing right now that gets my blood pumpimg are sexual escapades and riding my bike...I suppose that has to be enough for now.