The Sex Thing

        So maybe I will regret this, but I have been mulling over my sexual history...or identity if you will. This is nothing tell all so don't get your panties in a wad, but more like a revisiting. I was a virgin until I was 18, I had a rough family life and had to move out on my own early, so I was determined to graduate and not get knocked up like my Mom.. I actually think that 18 is pretty old, we all know that one person that says, "oh i did it when i was 10"...yikes     Anyhoo, I have to admit that my feelings about sex are a muddy mess of feeling fascinated, a little scared, and drawn to it moth to flame style...so complicated to explain. Maybe it has to do with the first time I ever touched a man...you know, down there (I so wanted to type "cock" but it sounded too porny).

        Alas! I remember it well, we lived in the suburbs of Sugarland in division called Townwest. Nestled in the cookie cutter houses was a community center with a meeting room, tennis courts, and a pool. I was 13 about to go to high school after the summer. My friends and I would go down to the pool everyday, listen to a little Loverboy or Def Leppard and gossip...it was 1982 and I was living the MTV life.

       I had the unfortunate experience of early development, now I know that some people out there would say something like, oh, poor you and your big ol' boobies - NOT! But it was weird...see, I was no Lolita...I was the tomboyish chip-on-my-shoulder kinda girl. I always wanted to be the sort of dame that would say to men, "check it out boys!" shaking my ass at them. No, I was the girl who thought, "what the fuck is he looking at?" Anyway, it was a normal summer day everyone was there at the pool, including the local Alpha Male named Parish (I am not fucking with you), he was in high school and one of the most popular guys in our subdivision. He was tanned, muscular, had shoulder length hair and wore a speedo (I guess you could say he was the tarzan of townwest)...and I am not sure if this was rumor or reality, but he was not only dating this popular mean girl with loads of bitchy friends and was also servicing a couple of single moms...now known affectionately as milfs.

    I never thought for a second that he would consider me, as I still used my Lightbrite and read Tigerbeat...

    On this particular day everyone was playing shark, Parish was the shark, he stayed in the pool while everyone stood on either end, we would all jump in and try to swim across, if he touched you...you were out, it was down to me and 2 other people, the pool was empty and the sun was setting. We jumped in and he grabbed me by the leg, I started to swim to the ladder, but he told the others that the game was over. He grabbed my leg again and said," Don't go, come here"...so I swam over to him, and he pulled me close to him, I think I said something like, "mommy",but I am not sure, all I know is that my cheeks were red and my heart was thumping in my throat. He pulled me to him and started to carry me around the pool. He was saying things like "Isn't this nice?"...and "I always thought you were really pretty"...I remember clearly thinking what do I do? I wanted to be cool, but I knew nothing outside of post office make out

sessions and passages from Judy Blume books.

 He kissed me as he walked around the pool holding me 

front of him with my legs wrapped around him. Then he asked me if I ever touched a guy before, I shook my head no, then he took my hand and put it down his speedos, I was surprised that it was hard...but was even more of a shock was that as I touched it, I felt a metal ring at the base...it like totally freaked me out (80's lingo, like, oh my gawd)...I jumped back and got out of the pool and never looked back. I thought "what the hell was that?"...this was followed my many thoughts...like, " do all guys wear that?" and "what is it for, I mean WHY?"...yeah I had more ?s than I had before the incident. On a footnote, the next day when my friends and I went to the pool...the mean girl girlfriend threw me up against the fence and told me if I didn't leave her boyfriend alone she would kick my ass...and me saying "I don't like him, he likes me" did not help the situation. It was scary, but exciting. 

That situation really started my sexual experiences, there was another Townwest dude, David, who was also in high school but not so overt and creepy. I remember we would hang out at his house, watch cable, and whenever he would start to kiss me, I would crack up cause his face as it approached me looked so serious...it made me laugh, but I got over it. One day we were at his house making out in his bed, but we were clothed, he was touching my boobs and kissing me, when all of the sudden he looked upset and got up out of bed and quickly said, "I am going to jump in the shower"..and he ran out of the room, as I layed there, amongst the Iron Maiden Posters and faint bongwater smell thinking , "what the hell? Is he mad? What did I do wrong?" so I went to the bathroom and walked in, he was in the shower and as I was about to ask him if he was angry, my little brother and his little brother walked in, after seeing me in the bathroom with David in the shower, both of them had saucer eyes as they backed away. Later at home, my brother told my Dad that I was naked in the shower with some high school guys ...fuck face. I tried to explain, but I had a shadow cast about me for awhile...my Dad shooting me squinty looks like , "I am watching you" and "Please don't get pregnant and ruin your life"...which is slightly insulting considering I was his life ruiner. This story actually came up in conversation in my family recently and I told my brother Jason that he was an annoying little dork who made my life a hell.

I suppose I could sum it all up by saying that I was an idealist, I was totally in love with Daryl Hall from Hall and Oats, and I just knew that one day he would pluck me out of the suburban low brow hell and take me to Manhattan (I had no idea where he lived, I just felt that the east coast and New York was the heaven to Townwest hell). I was a romantic naivete trapped in a woman's body trapped in a Tomboy's soul...that sentence just made me smile (an enigma wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an enigma)! So thus end my blog, The Sex Thing part one, stay tuned for The Sex Thing part 2, the high school years...I swear I won't be so nerdy.
I still kinda like him